It Is Not About Me

I have a co-worker, whose name I cannot mention, but she is a walking ray of sunshine.  She has the ability to see the good in everybody and every situation.   I have seen her cry maybe 3 times.    She has a good heart and a good spirit.   She sees a need and attacks it as if it was her own.    I asked her once how she could stay so positive.  She replied that is how she wants her day to start.  She has control over her emotions. nobody else does.  She states that she can’t change people only herself.

Now while might scoff at this notion, she, in my estimation, is partly right.    You are the leader of your emotions.   You can  control what you say, do and act on.  Now, here is the partly right part.   My emotions sometimes get the better of me.   They spill out all over the place, sometimes leaving a trail of hurt feeling, broken promise(more promises to myself), anger, frustration, and defeat.   Though I have never seen her angry, I am positive that she does.   She just(I feel) redirects the anger to a more positive place.

We all get emotional, angry, sad, hurtful, vengeful, spiteful(I seem to have a lot -ful words, ah here is one)vindictive, love, like, lust,(Here I go again).   Every emotion under the sun we all have.    I do believe we can control all our emotions, but do we want to.  Do we want to control anger, when you are  taxed to high or love to much that is hurts.    God instilled in us the all of the emotions and he also laid out a specific plan on how to use them correctly.    I have my doubts about my co-worker and good friend.  I believe I can go to her with a problem and she will be there with support for whatever I might need.   I wonder has ever lost it, just went bananas, shut somebody out, jealously reared it ugly head.   I hope so.   I hope that she let loose and gave someone a beat down or a good talking to.  Not a Jerry Springer  beat down, but one with dignity and respect.  That person would feel like a small insect by the time she got through with them.   Once all the smoke would clear, there would be a smile on her face that would light up the world.   

But to wish that someone would lose their cool is exactly why I am writing this post.  I lose my cool way to often.  I clamp down and bite hard.  Sometimes I see the destruction, and I just don’t care.   I have gotten better, I think.  I keep my sulks to three days tops.   My verbal communication has lessen its bite.   It doesn’t sting so bad.   Most of the time I am acting out of hurt feelings.   I figure to know me, you know not what to do. 

I guess, that is why I want my friend to let loose.   It makes my mess much more human.

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