I wish I had chosen a more appropriate title for this post. Happiness would sound better, but it would mask how I feel. I wish I could say I was happy, but I think happiness is a state of mind the comes and goes with every breath we breathe. It doesn’t last long and it is different for everybody and everyone. Contentment is better. It evokes memories of comfort and stability. I can always go back to that feeling when the day is rough and long. I am most content at 3:00 pm on a Sunday afternoon. A peace washes over me like a blanket. It evokes memories of my childhood. My mother would have cooked Sunday dinner early and this was the time my whole family would gather around the TV to watch Family Classics.
Family Classics was hosted by Frazier Thomas and he would be your guide to an array of movie classics, such as Robin Hood, Mysterious Island, Robertson Crouse, Mutiny on the Bounty. This was a Chicago treat. I thought the music was so beautiful. At the time we lived in a two bedroom apartment with one TV. We would gather in my mother’s room watch. To this day around that time, I feel a peace wash over me on Sunday afternoons. I am so content and restful. This feeling on comes about on that day and around that time. Now it is not every Sunday, but is happens quite often. I am so glad I can use that feeling to gather my thoughts and push forward through whatever I have going on. Thank God.
Today, I went to see a doctor for help with my coke problem. She was very helpful, giving me charts, graphs and many, many words of encouragement. She took down a lot of notes and even though we was on a time constraint, it did not stop me from spilling my guts. I have a coke problem and I need help. With all my aches and pains, failures and accomplishments, I never thought I would be in this situation. While I have made great strides in my life, I find myself in some what unfamiliar territory. I have been in the past, so focused and determined. When I need these qualities now, they have failed to appear. I cannot let my life go on this way. I have to make a stand and climb this mountain to top Nothing will stand in my way to glory.
This is very serious stuff. Now I am in no way promoting that coke is evil. For me it is one of the most delicious drinks out there. Sweet, refreshing and oh so delectable. But I want to lose this weight and my doctor says I need to give up my all time favorite drink(plus a few other things like cake, doughnuts and pie, to name a few). Coke, is institution, a community, a way of life. It brings a smile to my face and song to my heart. Plus, I have always been partial to red.
For now, coke and I must part ways. To improve my overall health and well being I must abstain and follow the same steps all coke enjoyers(yes, that is a legitimate word)) and slowly back away. Excuse me, my eyes are getting moist. Farewell coke, until we meet again. I bet some of you thought I was talking about a white powdery substance. That is my next post. The dreaded doughnut.
I have finally got a lot of my blogs, posting together, without asking for help. I hate asking for help. I have always been independent and like to do things on my own. It has been very hard for me to accept help. I always feel I have to give something in return to make the scales balance again. I do not like to owe anybody. Please believe, I have asked for help, but it has always been after I have exhausted all other avenues at least 3 times. More importantly, I find when I do ask, I am always disappointed. I will usually get a yes, I can help you and the help never arrives. I listen patiently to the excuse(I forgot, “did you need it now”, etc…) look them straight in the eye and say, forget, I will do it myself. That is usually met with(ok, well good luck). I have learned to cut out the middle man and just do it myself.
Now before you ask, I have helped many people when they ask. I will go beyond and above the help that they ask for. I will also be up front and tell you when I can’t help(this usually involves money). If can’t help, I will check up on that person to see how they made out and maybe I can offer my services now. Now to be fair, I have turned down offers of help more times than I can count, but I still want you to offer. Sometimes I want you to insist(I know sounds funny doesn’t it). I will probably turn you down. If you know me, you know I would only ask because I am in dire straits. That independent streak has cause me a lot of strife, but it is my makeup.
I know it doesn’t make sense. Then again maybe it does. I will try to explain. No, I don’t need any help.
I was at Dollar General to pick up a few things. Standing in line waiting for the person in front of me to finish his purchase. The cashier was taking the young man’s change and some fell on the floor. One coin rolled under a cart. I informed this person that one your his coins had fallen under this cart. He stated that was all he had and he couldn’t purchase his bottled water. Just move the cart and get your dime. He seem reluctant to that, so I said I would give him the dime. Silence. Nothing. I repeated myself and asked him did he want the dime for his water. Silence again. The cashier spoke up and said yes(I can only assume they were friends since she could speak for him), he will take the dime. He finally spoke and said, if you want to.
Now I had two choices here. I could have said some very rude things(my vocabulary is quite extensive) or pay the dime and let go, let love flow. I opted for the 2nd one, with the first one still dancing on my tongue. I gave the cashier a quarter and she gave me the change. With a bright smile, she said thank you. The young man just stood there, confirmed a lunch date with her and left. She said thank you again, I guess as a way to cover his being a a…..h….. As they say in the matrix, I should have chosen the other pill.
It has taken me this long to figure out that I have become a new me. Recently I had surgery and developed some complications. My body has gone through a transformation. I thought I was going to come out of this the same as when I went in. Hell no. The surgery was over a month ago and I am just coming to terms with my new life style. Despite the fact that I lost 20 lbs., my energy is gone, I feel scattered and somewhat defeated. I am still in a lot of pain and my road to recovery is taking longer than I expected. This is one of the first times I have felt like blogging about anything. I have always been an instant girl and I expected to bounce back within days of my operation.
So I am making plans. This is a brand new me. One I will have to get use to. Instead of one day at a time, I go by hour to hour. Let’s see how far that will take me. See you on the other side.
I have fallen off the wagon. I have not been walking in over a month. I will not get into the who and why, but I intend to straighten this mess out. I call it a mess, because I was on a roll and I let other things and people get in my way, and fill my head with nonsense. It is hard doing something without support. I always thought I was the type of person who really didn’t need another person’s support of whatever I was trying to accomplish. That is a very lonely place to be. But If I am going to get a healthy lifestyle, I need more from the people around and much more from myself. Plus I have some health issues I need to take care. They also have slowed me down. I will be back on the road again after this week. Up, up and away.
I don’t like blowing my horn. I try to let others do that for me or pay someone. Today is the day for me to blow baby blow. I am so proud. I started by walking again and I feel better for it. I even downloaded a new list of songs I listen to as a walk. Here is my play list for this week. I think I am going to make a change every week(at least try to). If you have any songs that I can walk to,let me know. A lot of my stuff is old school, but I like all kinds of music. Come along and take a walk with me. .
Brandy – Best Friend
Slave – Watching you
OutKast- Moving Cool
Nelly – Hot in Herre
Peoples Choice – Nursery Rhymes.
Hall and Oates – You Make My Dreams Come True
Cameo – I Just Want To Be.
Maxwell – Sumthin’ Sumthin’
I have fallen, rolled down the street, off the cliff, 1000 feet to the water below, swept away with the tide, landed on a desert island surround by man-eating lions. In reality I have not been exercising every day or watching what I have been eating as I should have, due to that thing(I think they call it Thanksgiving or as I call it “should I have one more slice of pie?”, I just need to get back on track, before the next eating fest called Christmas or as I call it, “Maybe I will start back in January“.
I know I am a little late, but I am not wishing a Happy Thanksgiving. Just a Happy Thanks. Lets try to be thankful everyday, all day.
Things are moving slow. I have lost a total of 10 pounds. Ten whole pounds. … Sighing to herself… I would like to add some more digits to that total, but I will take what I can get. On shopping trips, I buy every low-fat, no fat, some fat that I can afford. Being on a strict budget, it is hard to find the resources to eat healthy. It seems like as I put the food in the cart, it has already gone up in price before I check out. In order to speed up my weight loss and eat healthy, we need to cook at home. This is a must.
I have been pouring over cookbooks, recipe sites,anything to make our meals more healthy. I found this site. It has substitutions for baking and cooking, from A to Z. Since my husband is a diabetic, I found this site, Allrecipes.com. It has recipes, videos, menu planning and an interface for a shopping list. I can’t wait to get started. Kitchen, here I come(and I hate cooking), I mean kitchen here comes my husband.